It’s in that moment when being around someone and know and trust and feel what they have felt, though never touching one another. I go to him in solidarity and my tears heal me and it’s not as if I’m crying it’s the spilling over of the holy spirit that exudes from within me. I’m so full it has to come out from the eyes, from my lips through praise, through a glimmering light that breaks through the darkness of the outside world… voices break, it must only be a whisper or a slight breath that brings the moment of clarity between us. if I could live in silence and be this filled all the time, would I even seem real, real to those who need my help. a barrier breaks or thunder crashes and the peace inside me is so deeply felt that a loud sound is like a small tinkle of a bell. there’s no touching, just breathing slow as though I’ve tasted the sweetness of something and I never want to lose that from my tongue or my memory. it’s the spirit in me, it engulfs me like being in the womb or my mother, the fluid that surrounds the whole of me, it is life, it is each breath I take, i just want to soak in this and be in his glory as a baby would be. I want to be so deeply in him, my body tingles all over and it’s so very warm, like a blanket soft and pure smelling straight from a hot dryer. this must be what it feels like to be in the shadow of his wing, to be held I remember so ver well, he shelds me and carried me hundreds if not thousands of times. He soothes me in my ill-content, in my pain, in my slumber. He soothes me when I go into unfamiliar spaces. What must it be like to be in his presence, when all this hot white blue sings alleluia to His name.

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